It is 2:30 in the morning and even though I’ve been exhausted all day I can’t sleep. I’m listening to Modest Mouse and I want to smoke a cigarette but Cymbrie is in the next room so I shouldn’t. But there are so many things.

I can’t seem to get you out of my head. And the look on your face when you recognized me. Or the way you hugged me.
I loved you once. You saw me in a way no one else ever has. Sometimes, I think, in a way no one ever will. I used to think about you everyday. Think about the last time I saw you, before I left. I used to carry the note you gave me everywhere. Read it so many times I had it memorized. And finally one day I put it away with all my other memories. I stopped thinking about you everyday. But that didn’t change the way I felt. I loved you for so long. So when did it all change? I don’t know when I stopped loving you. Maybe it was the summer I started drinking for the right reasons instead of the wrong ones. Maybe it was when I decided to lose my virginity to him when I hadn’t given it to you. Maybe it was when I found some one who allowed me to be myself and I finally felt not so very alone. I don’t know when it happened but it did. I don’t love you anymore.

But maybe that doesn’t change anything. Because I still can’t seem to get you out of my head.